Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
