tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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