i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
