Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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