piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
