I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
