By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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