My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
