OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
