Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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