I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
