I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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