sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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