There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
