The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
