remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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