I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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