i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
