I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
