I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize