i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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