I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
