Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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