If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
