i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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