There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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