You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
