Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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