she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
