Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
