Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
