how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
