When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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