my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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