But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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