I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
