Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
