dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
