wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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