oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
