Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
