that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
