I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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