why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't trust your balls anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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