I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
