Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
