No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
