They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
