You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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