How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
