before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
