Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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