haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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