ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And the cops told us we were all naked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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