Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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