i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
