Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
