If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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