He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you traded sex for a burrito?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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