How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
