Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
