Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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