it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
