I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
