hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
