why didn't you poke me back
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize