Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
