Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
