I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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