How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
