i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
