Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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