Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
